Diets make us fatter!
Diets make us fatter in many ways. They forbid us to eat the healthy fats that we require to feel satiated; they lower our metabolisms, and encourage us to consume diet products that are often full of chemicals and devoid of nutritional value. Diets also foster a lifestyle of deprivation and if we severely restrict our caloric intake and we deny ourselves the pleasure of savoring foods we love, we will build resentment. If our friends are enjoying pasta and sauce and we are unhappily picking at a bit of broiled chicken and a few leaves of lettuce, we will almost certainly make up for this later by eating to excess.
The intention then is not to “diet” but instead to strive for balance. We need to eat sensibly and joyfully to bring our weight to an ideal place. As each of us searches for the best ways to care for ourselves and our bodies, we must educate ourselves about what foods promote energy and health and choose these most of the time while allowing ourselves opportunities to indulge now and than. That is our task and is the most useful strategy for movement towards creation of a life of zest and health. Seeking instant gratification leads to overeating followed by punishing periods of deprivation – starving ourselves alternating with stuffing our bodies until we fall upon our beds at night like beached whales. It is definitely time for a change. Our old patterns have not gotten us very far. Have they?
I suggest using the three remedies found in the Bach Emotional Eating Support Kit. I have seen many of my clients get on and stay on the path to perfect weight and health. Cherry Plum helps you stay in control. Crab Apple encourages you to appreciate your physical body and Chestnut Bud helps you learn from your mistakes so you can make healthier choices in the future. They are indeed a valuable addition to your wellness program!
Have you ever had this experience? (I have hundreds of times!) You wake up in the morning regretting the way you ate last night and decide that today will be different. You set your intention firmly. Today you will remain conscious and choose foods and beverages that will foster health, energy and maybe even weight loss. You will be vigilant, aware, and you know that you will feel great about yourself as you move through your day making one self-loving choice after another.
You start your day with a wonderful, health-promoting breakfast – oatmeal, yogurt and fruit perhaps. You feel fantastic knowing that this day is truly a new beginning and today is your chance to turn things around. As you face the stressors of the day, however, your resolve weakens and you start slipping into the wasteland of unconsciousness. This means that your fantastic intentions are fading quickly into the background and your awareness is now off of your best interests and on to the problems and distractions of your routine.
By afternoon, your “best laid plans” have evaporated and the good intentions of the morning have been abandoned. As you reach for a “pick me up” of caffeine and sugar in the waning hours of the afternoon, you may make a quick decision to try again tomorrow if you even remember that you did start out with some really good ideas about how to take loving care of yourself all day. More likely, however, you are unconscious by then and won’t really notice and revisit the issue until tomorrow morning when you awaken regretting your behaviors of yesterday and once again resolving to make today the day you actually remain conscious and attend to your real needs.
So what happens between the morning yogurt and the evening bowl of ice cream? Why did you venture so far your path? How did you slip so easily from mindful to mindless without even noticing? These are worthy questions for you to ponder. It is easy to collapse into mindlessness and many of us have been doing that repeatedly for years. Now is the time to do something different. Now is the time for you to make yourself #1 all day long.
You can get a buddy to check in with throughout the day and ask each other how you are managing your stress and reminding each other to be gentle and loving with yourself. You can carry a small journal around with you and make a brief entry each time you feel like grabbing more snacks. You can schedule short breaks into your day when you can sit quietly and take deep breaths for a few moments. These are some ways to keep on your personal path.
You can also use The Bach Flower Remedies found in the emotional eating support kit – cherry plum, crab apple and chestnut bud. These can help you enormously as you learn to treat yourself and your body with care, stay in control and stop the frustrating cycle of overeating, feeling awful and overeating more to medicate yourself. I have been amazed at how helpful these little drops have been for my clients. You may find they provide an effective means of stopping the mindless eating and staying more conscious of yourself.
My very best wishes,
Dr. Denise
Most of us realize the importance of making and checking lists. We may make packing lists, lists of items we need each day and lists of things to mention to others. Some more organized people even have lists of lists! But many of us neglect to consult the most vital list of all – our self-care list. We are complex beings and must attend to ourselves – physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually and environmentally. If we fail to do so, we will definitely eat for emotional reasons.
Life is stressful. We are always on the go and trying to meet the needs of others while balancing the often-difficult demands of our personal lives. If we travel, we find ourselves away from our homes and loved ones, eating airport snacks, sleeping in unfamiliar surroundings, lacking opportunities to exercise and dealing with delays, plan changes and set backs.
Whether you are traveling or staying home, it is always helpful to have a self-care checklist and to read it often. Attending to our needs on all levels will insure consistent health and balance. We will look better, feel better and radiate higher energy.
Following is my personal checklist.
Physically: Have I been eating well, avoiding caffeine, alcohol, saturated fats, sugar and simple carbohydrates as often as possible and eating good amounts of protein every few hours? Have I packed healthy snacks to take along when I do travel, like cheese, nuts and fruit? Am I well hydrated, drinking at least 64 ounces of pure water each day? Have I been keeping regular bedtime hours, getting a sufficient amount of quality sleep? Am I keeping moderate exercise a priority in my life?
Emotionally: Have I been attending to my feelings and expressing myself appropriately; not holding in feelings or stuffing them down with unhealthy foods? Have I really been taking time to nurture myself? When was the last time I truly relaxed? Have I been writing in my journal which provides a place for me to vent or explore my feelings. Clearing myself emotionally means I can better attend to the tasks at hand. I am less distracted or preoccupied.
Socially: Have I been spending time with positive people that I enjoy being with? Am I having fun? Am I paying enough attention to my relationships? Do I stay well connected so I don’t find myself isolated and lonely? Do I apportion my time with others with the alone time I need to stay balanced? Do I make my colleagues a priority so I’m not functioning in professional isolation?
Spiritually: Have I been taking quiet time for myself? Do I spend time every day praying, meditating or just sitting and quietly breathing? Do I remind myself often to stay in the present rather than worry about the future or hang on to difficulties from the past? Have I been remembering to smile and to count my blessings?
Environmentally: Have I created a comfortable environment in my home (perhaps a comfy reading chair, favorite photo, bath oil, small scented candle or incense….surround yourself with everything you enjoy!)
Whether on or off the road, it is essential to take gentle care of ourselves. The busier we are, the more we need to do this. Only by paying attention to our own needs, can we best serve the needs of others. I wish you happy times and radiant health!
Dr. Denise
Most of us yearn for joy in our lives and end up disappointed at the end of the day because we haven’t had fun. Instead of satisfied, joyful and balanced, we may feel tired and disappointed. When we are having such hard times and feeling “low” we are likely to forage the kitchen or food aisle at the store in search of sugars and fats that will medicate us temporarily. These unhealthy foods keep our energy low and our mood dark but they do provide momentary relief. It never lasts long, however, and the next day we are more likely to repeat the cycle of feeling bad…eating sugars and fats to ease our feelings…feeling even worse…seeking more food to medicate ourselves. So, food doesn’t work in the long run. We all know this, but the question is: What does? To have days that you love you first need to think about what exactly you do love to do. Ask yourself these questions: What do I really love to do? What am I passionate about?
When was the last time you became totally immersed in an activity? Many of us spend our days simply, mindlessly making it through to the next day and then to the day after that. Then we ask ourselves if this is what life is supposed to be like. Is this really all there is to it? Is the hokey pokey really what it’s all about? If that is so then anesthetizing ourselves with sugars and carbohydrates certainly makes sense.
We create our lives. You have most likely heard this many times in the past but perhaps you lost that thought amid the bombardment of every day concerns. What would it mean to you to create your life? When would you begin and how would you proceed? When was the last time you sat in stillness to think about this? Have you ever taken the quiet, reflective time necessary to come to truly know yourself?
If we don’t spend the time and effort to go within, we end up living as robots performing the tasks that we imagine we are supposed to perform. Life can feel empty and meaningless and we soothe our discontented, unfulfilled feelings with substances – food, drugs, alcohol, etc. Perhaps there are more efficient and meaningful ways to conduct our lives.
We have a blueprint of ways to begin. Eat well. Choose live foods that fill our bodies with nourishment. Give our bodies the tender loving care they deserve. Give them lots of pure water, a moderate amount of sunshine, ample rest, exercise and lots of things to smile about. Give your body attention. Get a massage, stretch, breathe, and giggle. Begin to relax and stop taking everything so personally and so seriously.
Make a list of fun things that you would like to do. Perhaps you want to take a dance class or begin bike riding or go to the movies more often. Enroll in a photography class or start a reading group. Explore the world of Bach Flower Remedies as they are extremely useful for balancing your emotions. Take piano or guitar lessons or schedule in some long walks at the beach.
There are no guidelines and there are no limits. Your life and your time are yours to spend as you wish. Please make yourself number one and allot time to nurture yourself in as many ways as you can think of. When you do this, your mood will brighten, your smile will broaden and you won’t be quite so interested in eating to stuff away your emotions.
-Dr. Denise
In this article, found on the Psychology Today website, Dr. Oz lists the tell-tale signs of comfort eating and a few suggestions on how to soothe yourself without food. Read full article here
We all eat for emotional reasons at times but seldom understand what’s behind that behavior. We certainly are all different but at the same time we may have much more in common than you think. In my 25 years of practice as a clinical psychologist I have identified a number of factors shared by many of the women who have come to see me. I will list them for you. See how many of them match your experiences.
Women have been invalidated.
Women often report that they have often felt invalidated. When they attempted to tell anyone how they felt, they were sometimes ignored and often told they “shouldn’t” feel that way. This led many women to keep their true feelings to themselves. Instead of being encouraged to express their authentic emotions, they were told to feel what others wanted them to feel. In this way, many women grow out of touch with their own emotions and eventually seek validation and approval stating they are thinking and feeling what they expect they “should” be thinking and feeling, rather than what they actually are experiencing.
Women think they aren’t good enough.
Women are bombarded with messages on a moment to moment basis about how to look, how to act, what to say, etc. Messages come from all directions – from family members, friends, institutions and the media for example. Women are constantly being looked at and evaluated. Their weight is often everyone’s business and well-meaning relatives may offer advice about ways to be more slender and attractive. This is a dreadful predicament for any woman. You can buy these magazines and learn how to have a smoother, fresher complexion, reduce wrinkles and lift your sagging breasts all the while preparing and serving amazing meals in minutes. You can read about the importance of diet and exercise and most likely unearth much conflicting information.
Along with these headlines you will find slender smiling women who are held up as examples of how we all should look. Is it any wonder that women have a hard time maintaining a positive body image and a healthy level of self-esteem?
Women have tried endlessly and in vain to be perfect.
As a professional speaker, I have the opportunity to address large audiences about women’s issues. I joke with my audience members that there are probably no women in the room who expect themselves to be perfect. This usually prompts loud laughter as each woman looks around and realizes they are all the same. Most, if not all, women hold unrealistic expectations of themselves. They would never expect such perfection from others but they continue to set impossibly high goals for themselves. Setting unrealistic, impossible goals leads to failure – every single time. If we continually set ourselves up to fail, we can never feel good about ourselves. Instead we will be discouraged and see ourselves as failures. This leads to self-punishment and often to the bakery or candy aisle. Then we eat to soothe ourselves and, as you can see, much of our over-eating is emotional.
Women blame themselves for their inability to control their eating behavior.
Many people come to see me stating they have no will power and they feel like failures. Often it is remarked that eating is the one area in which they feel helpless and out of control. I do not believe in will-power. I believe we will feed ourselves well when we feel good about ourselves and are able to genuinely express our emotions. Being happy, healthy and whole is not about being thin. It is about being happy with yourself at whatever size you are now. It is about self-acceptance and joy. It is about loving yourself.
Women think something is wrong with them and are outer-directed, rather than inner directed.
It is difficult, if not impossible, to feel good about ourselves when we are surrounded by evidence of our inferiority. If people are saying your feelings are wrong and you do not feel respected, valued and heard, it is not likely that you will think you are OK. You may at first, but soon your conviction deteriorates in the face of contrary evidence. As children we want to be loved and approved of. We try different behaviors and it doesn’t take long for us to figure out what behaviors bring approval. We are shaped in this way by the approval (love) or withholding of approval (or love) by those around us. So, we grow up looking outside of ourselves to figure out how to behave. We continue well into adulthood searching for approval, validation and love. If we speak up we fear abandonment and so we hold our tongues. This results in the suppression of anger and we begin eating to keep ourselves in check. We literally stifle our feelings with sugars and simple carbohydrates. We want to feel better but we keep repeating the same behaviors and remain stuck in the same self-destructive loop.
You may recognize yourself in some of the descriptions above. And there are many other reasons why we might learn to eat to soothe our emotions. No matter what your background, you can make the changes now that are necessary for healing. Please be gentle with yourself. Let go of old resentments and bitterness. Make yourself your #1 priority. Remind yourself that you are lovable and you are worth taking the very best care of – not once in a while but all the time!
Dr. Denise
Emotional eating is frustrating to say the least. There is hope however and you can stop (at least most of the time) this self-destructive behavior. You already know that emotional eating is primarily eating to mask difficult feelings. Stress eating is the same. When we experience any unpleasant emotion, we may be tempted to reach for our “sugar/simple-carbohydrate” fix (By simple carbohydrates I mean white flour, refined products, not fruits, whole grains or vegetables.) We also may eat at any time for any reason, whether we are feeling anything or not aware of feeling anything in particular. We may be soothing our boredom or mindlessly snacking through the day. For many of us feeding ourselves becomes disconnected from physical hunger and at times we may not know any other ways to take care of ourselves.
One effective way to stop emotional overeating is by using the Bach Emotional Eating Support Kit. This contains 3 remedies to help you appreciate your body (Crab Apple), remain in control of your eating (Cherry Plum) and to stop repeating your same overeating mistakes (Chestnut Bud). I recommend them to all of my clients and have seen amazing results as clients have been able to manage their food control problems – for many, for the first time.
It is helpful, however to also understand that there is a bigger picture here that goes beyond emotional eating. I am referring to the physical, spiritual and social reasons as well. These are separate but intertwined. Here is a brief explanation:
Physically — When we eat foods high in sugar (or processed flour), fat and/or salt content, we want to eat more foods high in sugar, fat and salt. Our body has a reward system that is important to our survival. It encourages us to seek out pleasurable experiences – like sex and food. So our biology urges us to seek the rewards we experience when we eat foods containing sugar, fat and salt. This makes these foods highly addictive for many of us.
Spiritually – When we fail to take time to nurture our spirits through personal time, meditation, creativity and play, we can easily get wrapped up in the many stressors of our lives. This can lead to a sense of disconnection. And we are likely to experience sadness, frustration, exhaustion, anxiety and even depression as a result. When we feel these particularly unpleasant emotions, we have learned that sugars, fats and salt can provide the temporary “fix” we need to move on. They only work in the short term though so the cravings will reappear. You can count on that.
Socially – When we look around, we notice that we are being bombarded constantly with messages about the importance of being younger, thinner and wealthier. We are encouraged to be perfect and, of course, we can never live up to this image. This can send us to the candy machine or bakery in a heartbeat. We are also being tricked by the food industry and foods are being manufactured to insure that many of us will not only enjoy them but will become addicted to them.
It is vital to be aware and be patient and loving with yourself. Overeating is complex and it is not entirely your fault. Please do not beat yourself up. You cannot know what you do not know, after all. But, now you can increase your awareness and when you are tempted to seek out a sugar/fat/salt fix you can pause and reflect. Ask yourself what’s really going on. You may find that as you become more aware of your body’s reactions to certain foods, the societal messages you are constantly being fed (pardon the pun) and the ways the food industry attempts to lure you into overeating with addictive foods and huge helpings, you will turn less often to food to help you manage your life. Your Bach remedies will effectively assist you as you manage your own life and you will feel proud of yourself as you progress rapidly towards optimal health and perfect weight.
Dr. Denise
Many of us began eating for emotional reasons at an early age and most of us never learned how to communicate within ourselves or with others. There is a direct connection here that is important to understand. As we practice the skill of talking with our inner selves, we are likely to discover that we want and need to communicate more honestly, clearly, and fully with those around us. This is not easy for many of us. Most of us were taught to be quiet from an early age (Children should be seen and not heard!). If we did dare to speak up we may have been ridiculed or discounted. Our precious thoughts may have been negated and our feelings invalidated. Soon we learned to withhold our true thoughts and to bury our feelings deep inside — so deep that we may have lost touch with them ourselves. These consequences of our self-expression were painful, and it didn’t take us long to realize and appreciate the soothing relief we could find with a few cookies or a big dish of ice cream.
So now, when it is important for us to speak up as adults we may feel fearful. This is understandable given the ways our communication may have been received in the past. Ask yourself what is your worst fear if you speak up in the particular situation that concerns you. Is this fear realistic? What’s the worst thing that could happen? Sometimes knowing what your greatest fear is can dispel the power we have given in anticipation of a confrontation or rejection. It is easier by far to swallow a brownie than to tell your neighbor you don’t want to care for her child again. But, if you don’t speak up, and she doesn’t happen to be a mind reader, nothing will change and you will likely go on eating an endless supply of sweets, gaining weight, and harboring greater resentment towards her for taking advantage of you and towards yourself for allowing her to. Then you will need more anesthetic sugar fixes to keep that anger and resentment at bay.
So it is vital that you learn to assert yourself and communicate what your wants and needs truly are. You deserve to ask for what you want and to express your feelings. Your feelings are no more or less important than anyone else’s. You can always ask for what you need and express all that you wish to express. This earthly life is your experience, and you are responsible for creating the experience you want. Others around you are responsible for creating their own life experiences. You can’t live your life to serve their needs to the exclusion of your own. Nor can you expect others to read your mind, discover what your needs are, and live their lives in service of you. Each of us must make our own choices and create the most positive, joyful life possible.
Enjoy spring!
Dr. Denise
In SmartMoney Magazine, Renee DeFranco writes about what you shouldn’t expect from a nutritionist. Read the article here .
April 30th
There are a few tinctures that when combined have been found to be effective in helping emotional overeating problems. These are Chestnut Bud ,Cherry Plum and Crabapple. These are contained in the Bach Flower Emotional Eating Support Kit and I highly recommend them! You will feel better about your body, be in control of your eating and you won’t be making the same mistakes over and over again.
April 29th
There is a Bach blend known as Rescue Sleep. This helps quiet your mind so your body can get the proper rest so essential to your well-being. If you do not get sufficient, good-quality sleep your body will produce more of the hormones that increase appetite (ghrelen and cortisol) and fail to produce enough of the satiation hormone (leptin). So you will be hungrier and eat beyond your satiation point. This is a set up for bingeing behavior.
April 28th
April 27th
As you pay close attention to the messages you are receiving via your emotions, you become better equipped to give yourself precisely what you need at any time. The sugars and simple carbohydrates you are reaching for will only make you feel better momentarily. In a short while you are likely to feel fat, guilty, and ashamed and crave more treats which will only serve to continue the discouraging, frustrating cycle of feeling bad, eating more, feeling worse, eating more, gaining weight, feeling discouraged, eating more, etc. This cycle leads to increased anxiety, depression and usually weight gain.
April 26th
Having fun and enjoying ourselves leads to balance and radiant health. Life is about feeling joyful. If you feel good you know you are on the right path, a physically and emotionally healthy track. If you do not feel good then you are not choosing and doing what is best for you. You have strayed from your path. Guide yourself back.
April 25th
When we give thought to something, we invite it into our life. So, could weight loss be really as simple as changing our thought patterns? Yes it can, and in fact weight loss is impossible without shifting our thoughts to a positive vibration whenever possible. If we persist in saying “I am fat” for example, the Universal Law of Attraction assures us that we will remain in a state of feeling and being fat. If instead we focus on the fabulous things about our bodies and we visualize ourselves as healthy and slender, we raise our vibrational energy and move steadily closer to that vision of ourselves.
April 24th
When you make a self-loving choice you are likely to feel proud of yourself. You will have more physical energy, feel more lovable, and more connected to yourself, to others, and the world in general. The more you stop and consider your alternatives and make your choices in the spirit of love the more you will notice that peace, lightness, and joy manifest in your life.
April 23rd
When you make a less than self-loving choice, and you will because we all do at times, observe yourself. Without judging, just notice how you feel when you make this less than self-loving choice. It is not a mistake. There are no mistakes, only lessons. What can you learn from it? What might you do differently next time?
April 22nd
To heal from any compulsive behavior, to heal your body, you must attend to your spirit — to heal yourself with patience, compassion, and love. Many of us know this on a very deep and private level. Self-loving choices are spiritually enhancing and the more we make, the better we feel and the less compulsive, self-harming choices we will make.
April 21st
Spend time contemplating what you love to do. You cannot create something new in your life if you don’t spend time thinking about what you want. Spend time discovering who you are. Only then can you move towards the life you truly want to have - filled with zest, joy, health and balance – free from compulsive overeating.
April 20th
Remember, you are never too old to try something new. You are never too old to have fun! Separate yourself from all the roles you play in life –parent, child, friend, partner, etc. — and spend time thinking of who YOU are. Is there something new you would like to try?
April 19th
Your path requires you to greet the circumstances of each moment with awareness and to experience each and every feeling that passes through your body. For example, when you feel butterflies in your stomach, observe this sensation. That is only your anxiety. Underlying this is always a fear that you are not lovable. YOU ARE. You can trust this!
April 18th
Being fixated on the past and being a perpetual victim will keep you in a state of anxiety and reactivity and you will continue to overeat for emotional reasons. Take action now to make the adjustments you must make to stand up for yourself and craft your life as richer and more rewarding.
April 17th
It is vital that you do not let the opinions and feelings of others deter you from following your dreams. After all, this is your life and it is your responsibility to make of it what you want. Your thoughts about how to live your life have been shaped by outside forces. This has resulted in faulty thinking. You have been trying to find happiness by doing what others think you should do or to look like what others think you should look like. Stop it! Your happiness is only up to you!
April 16th
Movement through the stages of our lives inevitably stirs emotions deep within, whether we are conscious of them at the time or not. If you will move through your feelings instead of avoiding them, you will end up in a much more calm and peaceful place. You are then making decisions based on your true desires.
April 15th
It is vital that you learn to assert yourself and communicate what your wants and needs truly are. You deserve to ask for what you want and to express yourself. Your feelings are no more or less important than anyone else’s. Knowing how to speak up and to stand up for yourself will empower you, and you will not need food as medication.
April 14th
Finding happiness is your life’s purpose and your most important task. We are humans who spend much time doing and not much time being. Why not slow down, relax, and focus for a while on what you truly want? Why not do this several times a day? It will become a habit that will serve you well.
April 13th
Our persistent feelings make up our internal guidance system and as such are constantly providing the information we require to make the very best choices for ourselves in each moment. To take full advantage of these important messages, we must pay attention to what we are feeling and follow the instructions we are being given.
Following your intuition means learning to pay close attention to your feelings and heeding the important messages they are transmitting about the very best ways to take care of yourself.
April 12th
To craft your ideal life, you must be clear about what your desires actually are and. It is a beautiful thing when you balance your need to attend to yourself with attending to others’ needs. It is when you allow others’ needs to crowd yours out of the picture that a problem results.
April 11th
Notice what you are feeling when your appetite is raging and pay close attention to the valuable communication your feelings are trying to deliver. Listen to these messages and you will begin to value your appetite as a true friend, instead of a foe. When you attend to your feelings you give yourself what you truly need (and it usually isn’t food) you will be in control. Your feelings will constantly and faithfully deliver messages from your internal guidance system about what choices are in your best interest in all aspects of your life. Learn to listen to them.