Food control is difficult for many, if not most of us. At times we may feel possessed by urges to stuff ourselves full of excess calories. We are then listening to the voice of our “Chew”. We all have a “Chew”, also known as our “saboteur”. This is the part of each of us that says, “Go ahead, eat whatever you want. You deserve it! It is OK to dive right into that sugary, carbohydrate-laden snack. Life is tough! Enjoy it all! You can worry about your weight/health tomorrow, or Monday, or next week!” Do any of those messages sound familiar?

Certainly it is fine to indulge now and then. Life is to be enjoyed and so is food. For most of us, however, stopping our eating can be tricky at times. We crave. We overeat. We feel bad about doing it. We admonish ourselves which can lead to more craving and continued overeating and then, no matter how much we put into our mouths, we often don’t feel satiated.

This is because satisfying the “Chew” requires more than candy bars, sodas and pasta. Being truly satiated means attending to all of our needs, not simply our need for food. We have to fuel our bodies regularly to function and must make nutritious choices as often as we can. This does not mean eating perfectly at all times. We also require other things such as adequate rest, plenty of water, a fair amount of exercise, companionship and now and then laughter.

We are not simple or one-dimensional. We are complex beings with multiple needs and we have to nurture our emotional, intellectual and spiritual selves as well as care for our bodies. We may be doing our best to fulfill our physical needs for nourishment, rest sunshine and exercise but we may not be quite as tuned in to providing nourishment to our whole selves. We all have many needs and these are often neglected with today’s emphasis on glamour and perfection. We try to be perfect, to look perfect and to eat perfectly. This is not possible! We cannot do it. Most of us would never expect those around us to behave perfectly at all times, nor would we punish them if they occasionally overindulged.

It is the human way to overeat sometimes and, at other times to eat less than our bodies need. It is the striving for perfection that repeatedly gets us into trouble. Because we are human, we set ourselves up to fail if we strive to be perfect. We set this impossible goal, fail to meet our expectations, and end up feeling like failures. We punish ourselves by heading for the nearest “fix” of chocolate, pasta or cookies to help us feel better.

Medicating ourselves with sugars and simple carbohydrates does work! In the short term these foods serve effectively as anesthetics. They calm our anxiety and frustration and effectively soothe unpleasant feelings. Notice what you are feeling next time you eat an abundance of these foods. Chances are you won’t be feeling very good. Overeating serves as a sedative at first and takes away our unhappy feelings. In the long term, however, we damage our self-esteem when we overindulge, gain unwanted pounds and feel more anxious, sad, lonely or frustrated than we did originally.

Learn to listen to your “Chew”. It is talking to you. By tempting you to make self-harming choices, your “Chew” is telling you something. It is commanding you to eat but most likely that is not what you really need. If you feel like racing to the candy machine, take a minute to close your eyes, breathe deeply and ask yourself what it is that you genuinely need. Is it a talk with a friend, a warm bath, a hydrating drink of water, or perhaps some fresh air? Are you craving some fun or a nap? Perhaps you are upset with someone and holding in your anger, literally stuffing it down with junk food. Are you overtired, sad or bored? Could that be what’s really going on?

Being human means we can’t behave perfectly at all times and it is critical to accept ourselves as we are now in order to move forward in a healthy way. This is easier said than done in our culture. It is vitally important to develop the capacity to appreciate and understand ourselves. This needs to be done one step at a time – often in baby steps.

Each time you overeat remind yourself that the experience is providing you with a chance to learn more about yourself, your feelings and ways to fill your real needs. Pause at such times and reflect on your experience. Ask yourself what you were really hungry for at the time? What could you have done differently? What can you do the next time you hear the voice of your “Chew”? In the future how can you give yourself what you really need?

Make a list of things you love to do. Label this list “alternatives to overeating” and keep it nearby. When your “Chew” begins to whine for attention and cravings manifest, you are at a choice point. You can choose to eat or you can do something else. Take out your list and choose an activity like taking a walk, calling a friend or reading something that interests you. Do this for at least fifteen minutes. When you have finished, the urge to overeat may have passed. If not, you are simply at another choice point. You can, of course, always choose to eat or you can continue the activity you were enjoying or choose another activity.

Never berate yourself for overeating: that will only lead you to more indulgence. Dieting and depriving yourself does not work. Scolding yourself is always counterproductive. Comparing yourself to others is never useful. The only way to truly feel better is to learn to relax, to nurture yourself and to appreciate the wonderful person that you are. Following are some suggestions to help as you forge your path in a more positive direction. These are in addition to paying attention to your physical needs mentioned above.

Live your life as mindfully as possible. I suggest you read some of Thich Nhat Hanh’s books such as Peace is Every Step or Being Peace. These will teach you ways to value the present moment. Staying in the present instead of worrying about the past or what may or may not happen in the future will help you maintain balance in your day. No matter how hectic your schedule, carve out time for yourself every day to attend to your personal needs. Don’t just use left over time to nurture yourself. If you do, there will never be a spare moment to take a bubble bath, read a book or write in your journal. Make yourself the #1 priority. This is not just something nice to do. It is an essential, central part of overcoming overeating.

Develop a specific time to nourish your spirit. Make your own sacred routine. We each have different needs. You can experiment to find ways to satisfy some of yours. Try taking a class in Yoga or Tai Chi. Learn to meditate and enjoy feeling peaceful and relaxed. Pray. Spend time outside. Notice things around you. Look at the stars at night — feel the warmth of the sun during the day. Explore things that interest you.

Treat yourself like the goddess you are. Think of things you like to do and do them! Restore your spirit. Schedule relaxing massages. Manicures, pedicures or facials are fantastic. Write in your journal. Dance. Sing. Treat yourself to a movie, a play, a walk on the beach or to a fine dining experience. Use your creative talents. Draw, sew, knit or paint. Try modeling with clay or writing a poem. No one can tell you what is best for you. Our needs are individual and very personal. One woman’s relaxation is another’s stress — play with different ideas and you will discover ways to soothe your emotions and refresh your spirit.

It is important to make laughter and fun priorities in your life. We may have many lifetimes to look forward to but we can’t be sure of that so we must do all we can to enjoy this one. Make the most of every day! Remind yourself to live each day as if it were your last. It is human nature to forget this at times. Remind yourself – again and again and again. The idea is to nurture yourself as often as possible in as many ways as you can imagine. Set time aside each day to think about what your real needs are and attend to them. You will feel a difference and you may notice you feel happier, are smiling more often and have more energy. When you begin to fulfill your true needs, food issues will become less important. Your self-esteem will increase along with your capacity to appreciate yourself.

Remember: never treat yourself harshly – never deprive yourself or berate yourself. This never helps. Instead, remind yourself that there are no mistakes, only lessons. Take responsibility for recognizing and fulfilling your deepest desires. Tell your “Chew” you’re absolutely not interested in hearing any more of those negative messages. Continually check in with yourself to decide what you really want and need at any moment in time. Live your life with zest and enjoy every minute. You deserve nothing less!

Denise Lamothe is an emotional eating expert, international professional speaker, psychologist and doctor of holistic health. She is the author of The Taming of the Chew: A Holistic Guide to Stopping Compulsive Eating (Penguin 2002) and has been noted in many publications, including “O” the Oprah Magazine. She has appeared widely on television and radio and has spoken across the country and in Canada. Dr. Denise is the emotional eating expert for Ann Louise Gittleman, The First Lady of Nutrition and is the professional, spokesperson for the renowned Bach Flower Essences.

She is located in Exeter NH and can be reached at 603-778-4814 or 603-493-6043 www.DeniseLamothe.com or Denise@DeniseLamothe.com
blog: www.chewtamers.blogspot.com

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